Summer of Change: Friends

Greetings fellow space travelers, yet again. Time for another post. Sticking with the Summer of Change theme, this time I will talk about Friends. We all have them. Some have many, some have a few, some have just one that stands above all and some have many that they can summon with just one call. No matter how many or how few the reality is that we all need friends and they need us.

John Lennon & Paul McCartney were the best of friends and out of that friendship some of the greatest music the world has ever known was born. While many of us will never have the kind of relationship that John and Paul had, in that with one of their simple conversations a timeless classic was born. We may come close but really there will never be another Lennon-McCartney duo.

However, that does not mean that every friendship is doomed. Not by a long shot, what it means is that friendships don’t start off as Musical History making machines. They start off as all friendships do and that is getting to know each other. They start off knowing that friendships are based on give and take. They grow and become greater than the sum of their parts because all parties recognize that in order to have a successful friendship/relationship both have to give and take. You could call it a dialogue, a two-way conversation. A friendship or any relationship for that matter cannot grow and sustain growth when the conversation is always one sided, always a monologue. One person gives while all that the other person does is take. Yeah, that’s not so good.

Thus here we are, at the point where pen meets paper, where the rubber meets the road, where steel and target become one. We are at the point when many of us don’t want to realize it but it must be done (and it can be done) that is seeing who our “friends” are and who are our Friends. Getting to the point and making that hard decision when it comes to realizing that there are some people in our lives that are there to only use us as sounding boards, to bitch, moan and complain about their lives and how bad things are with them. Then when it is your turn to bitch and moan they could care less.

Is that Right?

It is, if you like being stepped on and having other people wipe their feet all over you (basically if you like being treated like a door mat then I guess that’s good thing).

Most people will say “No! It is not a good thing” however many people will not do something about it?

All of us have those kind of people in our lives. Some we have because will like the misery, some we have because we feel we can help, and some we have because they got dumped on us by some other friend.

So what do we do? What can we do?

Personally, you need to decide whether having that friend is right for you?

I mean if that individual, the one that is constantly dumping his or her problems on you but NOT there for you, is someone that can elevate your social standing, really worth keeping??? Here is a big clue: IT IS 2011! and you can elevate your own social standing with little to no problem. This is the age of Social Media and the age of being his/her friend because he/she is "so-and-so" is OVER!!! That’s right my friends "name dropping" is so 1996 and it is so OVER.

Now ask yourself AGAIN, do you really need that individual in your life?

Now, on the other side of the friendship file what are you doing to foster the relationship with those individuals that you will drop everything you are doing to be by their side because you know they will do the same for you (without hesitation)?

What about them?

Moment of Truth time: WE TEND TO CAST THEM OFF TO THE SIDE.

I am Guilty as charged. In the past I have done that to friends and it has cost me, dearly. Though I am not happy about it and I may never get those friendships/relationships back I am certain that whether or not they come back I will not do it to another REAL, TRUE friend. They deserve that.

Right now, I have the people that I want in my inner circle, my sphere of influence if you will. My sphere of concern is always expanding, it is ever changing, it is dynamic and one day, some of those that are in the sphere of concern will move into my sphere of influence. Why? Because I will work hard at building those relationships and they deserve it as well.

How does the Summer of Change come into play here?

Simple:
• We all need friends.
• We all need two-way conversations
• We need giving and taking.
• We do not need to part of All Giving and No Taking Relationships
• We need people that we can be there for
• We need people that will be there for us

How do I/You make it happen?
• Re-evaluate all my relationships and friendships
• Salvage what can be salvaged
• Strengthen what is weak
• Take strength and Energy AWAY from a Draining, One-Sided, non-Mutually Beneficial relationships
• DEFINITELY Cut the ties that bind me to those relationships that are
- not about dialogue
- not about sharing
- not about being there for each other
- not about TRUE Friendship

Above all, always remember to quickly identify those that are only in it for themselves and set them adrift, quickly, don’t worry they will find some other port to land at. Hopefully, those at the new port will also see them for who they are and set them floating down stream as well.

What happens after I cut those ties that bind?

A couple of paragraphs ago I wrote about Social Media and name-dropping. If you fear that you will be alone and isolated, here is where you can try using social media to your advantage.

Be yourself and you will find people that share YOUR interests will start to gravitate towards you. If you find yourself a student of 16th Century French Poetry, find a Blog or start your on the subject. Find an online group/community to join or start your own. Put yourself out there and before you know it, you will be surrounded with people that not only like you but also genuinely care about you and you about them. Then once you have them make time for them, real time!

Good Luck with your Summer of Change.

As always you can read this blog post in its original location at http://daveguerra.blogspot.com


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